A man was walking through a park one day and he notices a football game being played. The man asked one of the spectators who was playing. The spectator replies a game between the Masons and the Knights of Columbus. The man then asked the spectator what's the score, and the spectator says,

"I don't know, it's a secret".

Q: How many Masons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: "3" -- One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous bulb replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain about the way they USED to screw in light bulbs.

Q: How many masons does it take to change a light bulb?

A: "20" -- as follows;

• 2 to complain that the light doesn't work
• 1 to pass the problem to another committee or the Master of the Lodge
• 3 to do a study on light in the Lodge
• 2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use
• 3 to argue about it
• 5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb
• 2 to complain that it's not the way we did it before
• 1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it
• 1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed

Two Master Masons were enjoying a flight in a hot air balloon when suddenly a thick black cloud formed between them and the ground below. Being without instruments, they were truly lost. After about a half an hour they came across a large hole in the clouds and saw a man below walking his dog.

After some conversation they realized that the man on the ground was from the Craft also. The men in the balloon asked the Brother on the ground exactly where was their location. The man on the ground replied, "About 200 feet in the air; in a balloon."

Just then the black cloud closed up and the Brothers in the balloon were alone again. One Brother turned to the other and said, I bet that Brother is the Secretary of his Lodge. The other Brother asked "How do you know that?" The first Brother replied,

"What he just told us was absolutely true - but in our present predicament it is totally useless."

A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as it was no great distance he would go on his  bicycle.  Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge.  Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.

It seems that another Mason, Master of his Lodge, went to Heaven and met with St. Peter. He identified himself as a member of the Craft and St. Peter asked, What Lodge? Proudly the Master replied, Old Adage Lodge #1. St. Peter immediately took him to the Masonic Clock Room. The Master, in puzzlement, looked around the room which was filled with clocks. Each clock had a Lodge's name on a brass plate and, strangely enough, each clock was at a different time. He asked why and St. Peter informed him that the hands only moved when someone  in that Lodge made a mistake in the Ritual. The Master then asked where his Lodge's clock was as he couldn't see it. St. Peter replied, Why, it's in the kitchen, of course. The kitchen, said the Master?   

Yes, you see, we needed a new fan.

Some few years back, just after the introduction of Random Breath Testing, the Police officers of a small country township had to show the community that the RBT was working. They decided to stake out the local Masonic Hall, then as the night wore on, eventually a mason slowly came down the stairs and got into his car. The moment he started the engine the two officers approached him and asked him to blow into the bag. He did of course but to the amazement of the officers proved negative. Fearing a faulty bag tried again, with the same results. Sure of a possible conviction they then escorted him to the Police station to do a blood test, with it also proving negative. Being upset with this they then asked him what had gone on and what he had done that evening, to which he answered... The Grand Master was there, the Grand Secretary was there, the Grand Stewards were there and we all had a great time, as to my job I was the Grand Decoy.

A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly attending all the functions he could was having a hard time with his wife who said... All those masters-in-office have to do is click their fingers and you would be there wouldn't you?.........I wish I was a master!   After due thought, he said

So do I dear..... we swap them for a new one every year!

A man had been convicted of murder and was about to be hanged. Just before the sentence was executed, the hangman asked the man if he had any last words.  Yes came his reply, I hate Masons! Why do you hate Masons? asked the hangman. The man I killed was a Mason, explained the murderer, the sheriff who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a Mason, the Judge who presided at the trial was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found me guilty and said I should be hanged were Masons! Is that all? asked the hangman. Yes replied the convicted murder....

Then you will advance one step with your left foot.

The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it.  In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish.

OK, said the WM...I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly.  So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can  drive to Hawaii.

I can't do that!!! exclaimed the Genie.  Don't you know that's impossible?  No Genie could do that.  It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power.  You will have to make another wish.

OK, said the Master.... I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers ... just sit on the sidelines and behave!

Hmmmmm, said the Genie...

Do you want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4??